The One Where I Fight With A Needle and A Thread

The other day I spent 10 minutes trying to thread a needle. TEN MINUTES!!! And it wasn’t even the smallest needle okay? Did I use my reading glasses, you ask? Well yes, yes I did. I used reading glasses AND a flashlight, and I still could not get the bloody thread into the bloody needle! So naturally I screamed a little, let out the hugest sigh in the universe, and used the largest needle instead. And guess what? That took 10 minutes too! And when I finally got the thread and the needle to listen to me, I basically bashed around with my sewing, to this day not knowing if I’d done it correctly and just wishing that come the time I wear this dress, I won’t have people commenting on why it looks like a 5-year old had fixed my button, because I will absolutely lose it. Oh I will lose it 1000%!

In other words, I am (mostly) not adjusting well to my eyes. It hasn’t gotten any better or easier. The only upside of being this way is that I can avoid scary scenes in movies. You know how you cover your eyes and peep a little at the screen so you feel somewhat protected but you still sort of know what is going on with the plot? Basically I have no clue what happened in the movie “IT 2” because I used both my hands to cover my ears and did what I can only describe as a Forest Whitaker, so that I can still sort of see what was going on. But no one has good eye muscle control like that so I totally missed the important (and conveniently scary) parts of the movie. So don’t ask me what happened or what I thought about “IT 2”.

You see, threading needles used to be my jam. It was something I did for my mum proudly, and.. excellently if I do say so myself. If there ever was a needle threading world championship, I would have been there and would have thrived. Sadly, I will never have that life. I will never walk into a needle threading ring, proudly wearing a belt with a large logo of a tiny thread pierced through a tiny, tiny needle with the caption: “World’s Greatest Needle Threader” on it. Not being able to perceive depth visually plays tricksies on your brain. It is the absolute worst when you hit a flight of stairs or floors with patterns on it. Like is it a step? Is this line an actual step or is it just flat? And because you remember how painful it was the last time you tripped because you thought it was just a pattern and not an actual step of stairs, you reach out your foot in an unattractive tendue to suss it out before you take a step. Now that is an extra minute in every floor/stairs encounter of my life that I will never get back. Oh I also managed to chop off a small chunk of thumb flesh with a knife while slicing cucumbers the other day. So if you didn’t know before, I am definitely living my best life!

Jokes aside, I write this because these are things I took for granted. Basic human skills that I never thought twice about because I was unknowingly blessed with them for 26 years before my life took an unexpected turn. It makes me empathetic towards those that do not have simple access to them and makes me grateful for the little victories that I can achieve. Honestly, when I finished sewing with the overly large needle and pulled to check if the button still stayed on, I felt really proud. That I didn’t just burst into tears and gave up (like I so often do), but that I actually completed the bloody annoying task that I set out to do. With that there are countless of sighs of relief when I successfully manage to pour water straight into a cup without spilling. Countless.

So today, if you are feeling discouraged or unconfident about just anything under the sun. I am here to tell you that I see you and your pain. It’s okay to complain. It’s okay to get frustrated. Just know that you have a strength and resilience in you that may sometimes fail you but are still there to sew a button firmly on a dress, even if it takes some unsightly bashing around.

If you haven’t already, meet me at the beginning: https://beebstory.wordpress.com/2016/01/18/first-blog-post/